why do we have norms?infact,what are these norms, needs to be answered first. Norms...hmmm..is what society expects us to follow, it is what it upholds as valued, it is what an average person actually follows. Are they for our good???...let me think, they give us a sense of security for sure. they guide the confused soul what to do?but don't they kill the creative minds? have i been trapped too all this while under the guise of norms? my life had been fairly smooth & simple, uptil now and at a critical stance, where i feel, now i have to choose, to continue to follow the norms like all others, taking up traditional job or pursue further research work or get married or enroll for higher studies to feel safe and secure, one among others. the choice is mine, or so it seems.huh, till what time this seurity will last? the answer will come: as long as i'd hold the job or that course. will it last longer? i don't know... now let's look at the other option...to defy the norms or rather to go around them. to do what ur heart says, even if it says do nothing, retreat in yourself, appreciate life, go slow. then why does this bring with it a feeling of being left behind, a feeling of odd one out? who is goin' to answer all the doubts, queries? why do i need someone to tell me what do i do? sages say, your inner voice tells you the 'right' thing to do. damnade, how does one listen to this 'inner voice'? i could never figure out! does staying silent really helps? i have tried that, maybe not as persistently as the 'preachers' would recommend, but anyways answer never came.meditation??uh-huh, i feel calmer but still no answer. i know i haven't yet tuned it to that extent, they would tell me, and one has to be perseverant, but i wonder in the world where one has to make quick decisions coz tht's wht is appreciated and required these days, how do i make a quick decision & yet be 'right'?? i am lately reading 'Blink' by Malcolm Gladwell(a book on power of thinking w/o thinking,must read...) and he raised an interestin' arguement. how persistently we are trained with the idea that decisionmaking has to be slow and it takes time. according to him, its possible , that one may have 'rapid cognition'; an intuitive judgemnt, which has more chances to be true than an objective , scientific way of making a decision. moreover, this intuitive judgement can be educated and controlled. i am yet to read more about the latter statement but i guess this is what is needed for survival in this world of quick reactions.
besides these career related norms, there are also norms, how a person's life should proceed. they are so deeply entrenched in all of us that i find it amusing to recall how we used to recite it like a poem: " abhi i'm in school, then i'll do college, then job n then marriage!!!" as if the marriage is the end point, and job is the necessary mediating link between the studies and marriage.i understand the logical necessity of job before marriage. because marriage brings with it lot of responsibilities, and financial concerns too. job then is instrumental in taking care of basic necessities besides offering stability and security, where one may proceed with a decision to walk down the aisle with more confidence. i know' it ' yet i don't. what bugs me is the 'must' and 'ought to'. our very own albert ellis, a famous psychologist, also says if we drop these 'shoulds', 'musts', & 'oughts' in our life and stop making desires into demands, life would be much more simpler. why 'must' my groom should have a top-notch qualification?A: so that he can fetch a handsome pay-package.why does he need that? A: so that he can give us both a comfortable family life and so that he can be an 'attractive and eligible bachelor' for my father. is that the crux of happiness behind marriage? has it always been like that? if yes, why? may be , i'm talkin' in a very idealistic fashion, and i may seem like a rebel. but the truth is that, i haven't ever broken a single norm myself, infact i have always been made by them, upholding them and making sure others also do, but it suffocates me now. after all it is we who make them and eventually become slaves of it. the world the way we understand are social artifacts, they are not mirror to truth or ultimate reality as social constrctionist perspective in psychology tells us. Don't know, where would this dialogue reach? if i don't follow the norms, i would feel empty, nothing to hold back on, while i watch the world passing by; if i follow them , then i see myself in the world, but lost!, asking these very questions to myself at some other critical standstills like this. it does not answer my question, maybe arouses more confusion, but i feel relieved of letting go of these thoughts.
'time' is precious and that's what i want to preserve. i want to make the most of it, but in my own way, so that when i find myself once again engaged in this dialogue, and i look back at my life, i can say atleast once , i gave myself a chance, a chance to reflect, to dare to be different, or atleast feel different!!!
